Monthly Archives: February 2009

Nit picking

I’ve decided to skip right from the hoof to the head, not leaving out the middle merely postponing it!

I’ve got quite a bit on today, from effective communication in the morning to communicating effectively to more students after tea (commonly called that north of the M25, in the softer south you’ll call it dinner). What is going to go in today after my efforts is as yet unknown. I am actually very preoccupied with what is going to come out after my efforts in a moment. After my hairwash.

You see, nits are endemic in primary schools worldwide I believe. Although I have never had them in childhood, I have since caught them (do you catch them, I think not) a couple of times from my own dear brood and once, the first time, from children I was babysitting.

There is no bigger ugh in the world in my book. Ok, just so you have things crawling round in your hair making free with the facilities, it does not render you a bad person for all time. So why does it feel that way?

An infestation is so traumatic that the mention of the nearly but not quite microscopic blighters is enough to give the itch. If I so much as scratch my head once these days, I go onto an immediate amber alert. I question the children, I look at their heads BUT and this is the killer – I do not believe what I see. If they are found, all well and good, but if not I am not convinced. I keep looking in disbelief. I have to stop myself from cutting all of our hair off immediately with sheep shears. I become distracted to the point of madness. So I must go and check (again) that I still don’t have nits.

Damn! No nits?

Damn! No nits?

Tomorrow, I hope to return to the “joyful event versus three mishaps” theme. If I neglect it for ephemera who knows where I will end up. Thanks ever so to my lurkers those views have shot up (double figures – woo hoo)! Still waiting on the first 0.1 percenter though 🙂

Cloven hooves

Ok, this should have been yesterday’s post. Sorry but as you know I am easily confused!

As I am lumbered with makemeadiva I thought I should attempt to explain myself. I covered legs, briefly yesterday but it has since occured to me that I neglected to mention my toes. I used to seriously wonder about women that painted their toenails. Why would they bother I wondered? Not faintly wondrous either, oh no not I. Morally outraged practically. Incredulous that they would contort themselves, or pay someone else and daub their claws in gaudy shades. Then I tried it. Just my toenails you understand, I still cannot abide nail varnish on my finger nails (don’t worry if you wear it though, I don’t mind it on others now!).

I found that my feet were transformed and crucially, which explains my attitude to the finger talons, people couldn’t tell if you had executed the operation poorly. Which was great for impatient, cack-handed devils like myself. So now, like dogs on the beach from May to September I sport coloured toenails, preferably with a top coat of glitter 🙂

Winter

Winter

Summer

Summer

A Narrative

I think we need one.

If I’d have known I would be makemeadiva henceforth in the world of wordpress.com, I think I would have given the moniker more thought. The narrative back there was something to do with (bear in mind I cannot remember mobile phone research I conducted a fortnight ago and I named the blog nearly a year ago) wanting to make something more of myself on a superficial level and probably on a deeper level too.

I was a girl who took a lot of time and trouble with my appearance and have grown to a woman whose sartorial aim now is to not look I have been recently dragged through a hedge backwards. I have enough insight to realise that sometimes (truthfully many times) I fail! I have got into bad habits in maquillage and don’t invest much in condiments and dressings for my face. My hair should be cut regularly, but as it is long, I leave it for months between cuts because I can just about get away with it. As I write on this primping and preening subject I get bored already and there is the thing I think. Self-interest is dull. Yes I want to look good, but am I on a limited budget and with little time to invest prepared to make an enormous and sustained effort? The answer is no. That is why at this time of the year I resemble something like this.

The legs of a goat surveying the lack of narrative

The legs of a goat surveying the lack of narrative

And that my dears, is what is known as “a beginning”. Stand by for a big, fat, hairy middle.

Lurkers Welcome!

Indeed encouraged. Without lurkers there would be no “views”. I don’t even aspire to “comments” any more, I am content with “views”. Ok 17 views over the period of 11 months is not wetting-myself material but 2 views the day before yesterday nearly is!

As you will see around 90% of you are mild observers, 9% are intermittent interjectors and only the very exclusive 1% contribute regularly. Actually this pyramid reflects virtual communities that have a more interactive element, like forums. For the more inert blogging community the actual breakdown is more like 95% / 5% and a shockingly miniscule 0.1 for people who actually write something i.e. “comment”.

I can’t do the math but even my small brain can work out I could be blogging into the next millennium before I achieve “comment” status (no spam doesn’t count!).

So welcome lurkers, sincerely welcome. Put your virtual feet up whilst I make you a drink. Relax and enjoy. You never know when the 0.1% effect might kick in!

Digital Nightmares

I am not a “digital native” having not quite grown up with the technologies that are mobiles, pcs and mp3s etc. etc.

However I am pretty adaptable and feel that I use the aforementioned to dwell comfortably in the digital world.  Until now that is.  Now is the point I have reached where I have a bag full of dysfunctional phones, at least two broken digital cameras and I never know where I am in meetings when people pull out their diaries to arrange “the next convenient date”.  It is at this juncture I nod and smile enthusiastically and scratch out the time and date onto a stone tablet I carry round in my bag.  That’s if I’ve brought the stone tablet bag.  Sometimes I’ve brought the bag of crap bag, yet others the bag that seems to promise so much and deliver so little.  Hmmm.

The point being, to remind myself, that I never have the right fully operational  phone, camera doodaa wotsit at the right time and consequently that digital timesaving devices have become a blunt stick with which to beat myself with.  Inefficiency exposed is the general theme.   So I have fixated on obtaining one device to Do It All (DIA).  DIA is something other women may be familiar with?  I have never aspired to “having it all” but I regularly find myself having to DIA.  So one gadget that I can keep with me, hopefully not drop, and use for all those things I need to do to appear fully functioning in the real world. 

With the new President Obama in post clinging to his Blackberry for his dear life I figured that could be the way to go.  Research showed however that I would be getting into dicy battery life if I wanted to use it as a phone.  There was also another problem that I have forgotten as the research was conducted at least a week ago.  So I looked at a Nokia and a Samsung but really I couldn’t split the two.  Then I got bored, forgot half of what I had found out and remain locked in a digital nightmare.

p.s. what I really wanted was the indestructible, waterproof number from Nokia. It had all kinds of useful things for sporty types on it. Sadly it had one fatal flaw – after use the keypad would drop off!

So now

Let’s get serious about blogging. Random stuff is great once the great wide world is aware of your mutterings but to engage the casual surfer you might need more of a strategy. So now.

Here’s mine. This year will be my 40th year. In the year of the Ox no less, I a Rooster, will be needing to achieve “one joyful event” so as to “offset three possible mishaps”. Apparently, “things may not look all too good for the Rooster (1921, 1933, 1945, 1957, 1969, 1981, 1993, 2005).”

It is reported that Roosters need to work extra hard to make these joyful events happen. The examples given include getting married (unlikely), getting pregnant (most unlikely) or buying a new house (unlikeliest of all). The joyful event can, by all accounts, offset any negative vibrations waiting for Roosters and then we can enjoy favourable fortune in 2009. Hmmmm.

Chinese Rooster

Chinese Rooster

Turning 40 – is that a joyful event I wonder – will that be included in the mishaps balance sheet? I dunno, but I am not going to risk it. So I have planned a few “joyful events” of my own that I shall reveal over the year.

Number one on the list is to get a comment on this wretched (and renamed) blog.
Number two is to achieve profit on my gambling account.

Watch this space 🙂