How to Speak Estuary English

I’m feeling indolent – the following was emailed to me today and it raised a smile.  I have put the first in bold for obvious reasons!

This is an invaluable guide……for those of you that are planning to venture into darkest depths of Essex .
A task not for the faint-hearted

awss – A four legged animal, on which money is won, or more likely lost (“That awss ya tipped cost me a fiver t’day”)
alma chizzit – A request to find the cost of an item
amant – Quantity; sum total (“Thez a yuge amant of mud inSaffend”)
assband – Unable to leave the house because of illness, disability
branna – More brown than on a previous occasion (“Ere, Trace, ya look branna today, ave you been on sunbed?”)
cort a panda – A rather large hamburger
Dan in the maff – Unhappy (“Wossmatta, Trace, ya look a bit Dan in the maff”)
eye-eels – Women’s shoes
Furrock – The location of Lakeside Shopping Centre
garrij – A building where a car is kept or repaired(Trace: “Oi,Darren, I fink the motah needs at go in the garrij cos it aint working proper”)
Ibeefa – Balaeric holiday island
lafarjik – Lacking in energy (“I feel all lafarjik”)
OI OI! – Traditional greeting. Often heard from the doorway of pubs or during banging dance tunes at clubs
paipa – The Sun, The Mirror or The Sport
reband – The period of recovery and emotional turmoil after rejection by a lover (“I couldn’t elp it, I wuz on the reband from Craig”)
Saffend – Essex coastal resort boasting the longest pleasure pier in the world. The place where the characters from TV’s, popular soap
Eastenders go on holiday
tan – The city of London , the big smoke
webbats – Querying the location something or someone is. (“Webbats is me dole card Trace? I’ve gotta sign on in arf hour”)
wonnid – 1. Desired, needed. 2. Wanted by the police
zaggerate – To suggest that something is bigger or better than it actually is. (“I told ya a fazzand times already”)

Aint all that bad

Ain't all that bad

Posted on July 29, 2009, in Words and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Adam Jacot de Boinod

    Dear Sir

    I wondered if you might like a mutual link to my English word website or press release details of my ensuing book with Penguin Press on amusing and interesting English vocabulary?

    with best wishes

    Adam Jacot de Boinod

    (author of The Meaning of Tingo)


    or wish to include:

    The Wonder of Whiffling is a tour of English around the globe (with fine coinages from our English-speaking cousins across the pond, Down Under and elsewhere).

    Discover all sorts of words you’ve always wished existed but never knew, such as fornale, to spend one’s money before it has been earned; cagg, a solemn vow or resolution not to get drunk for a certain time; and petrichor, the pleasant smell that accompanies the first rain after a dry spell.

    Discover why it is you wouldn’t want to have dinner with a vice admiral of the narrow seas, why Jacobites toasted the little gentleman in black velvet, and why a Nottingham Goodnight is better than one from anywhere else

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