This time the tooth fairy trips over his size 11s…
…tiptoeing into the gap-toothed wonder’s bedroom (at least she doesn’t have 2 rows of shark’s teeth anymore). He didn’t wake her or anything, it might actually have been better if he did and then I could have done the deed on my return from work. No, he tripped, on a procedural point and, and I know this is hardly credible, forgot to take the tooth. Well you can imagine the uproar that greeted me this morning – the six foot tooth fairy having done one, to use the vernacular. If there was a hotline to the UN Peacekeeping force available to parents before 7 in the morning, I would have been on it! When I asked for clarification on the hotline to the tooth fairy, he muttered something about “thinking it was in the dining room”???
Clearly some tooth fairy re-training is in order before any more of the contents of the kids’ mouths fall out.
Step 1 – Place tooth under pillow
Step 2 – REMOVE tooth
Step 3 – Replace with a £1 coin (this should be as shiny as possible)
Step 4 – Take tooth to mother’s secret hiding place for teeth
Step 5 – Be prepared to be tortured half to death before revealing Steps 1-4 to children
Then I listened to the radio whilst hiding from the kids in the kitchen. I like to hide in the morning. If we had a 70s hatch I would poke their breakfasts out through it until it I had half an hour’s peace to make lunches. As it is they come in demanding this and that and it is all quite stressful. I try to blot it out with the Today programme, mainly to catch their crap racing tips at half-past the hour (although credit where it’s due, one won yesterday). So today when Today told me my children were more likely to be fat than my neighbour’s, because I work, I was not really in the mood for the psuedo-scientific nonsense. I can’t believe people are actually given money to research such rubbish. Apparently I am more likely to drive them to school (well I could see how that might happen if you then have to heinously drive to work). As it happens, I only drive if it’s raining, I have a deep antipathy to other peoples’ umbrellas. Then, I stand accused of being more likely to give them fizzy drinks and crappy snacks to drink and eat. Presumably we working mothers do that because we are too guilty, pressed for time, ignorant, whatever to prepare wholemeal sandwiches and freshly squeezed juice before flinging it in an uncaring manner at the children in the back of the car and and ejecting them directly from the car seat into school so they won’t be in danger of taking any exercise at all.
Don’t think this has hit a raw nerve! It hasn’t. We don’t have fizzy drinks or too many snacky craps round here, although I do my noble bit to keep afternoon tea alive between 4-5. I am just incensed that not only do they get to do this “research”, they then get it aired in my kitchen after I have dealt with the tooth fairy debacle.
All before 8 a.m.
I was going to do a nice post about Sea the Stars and the Arc and my looking forward to seeing Ghanaati in the flesh on Saturday. Laters.