…the virtue of financial prudence…

we have to relearn this apparently. What a gem. Did it spill from the lips of a Victorian Do-Gooder hellbent on reforming the undeserving poor who would so tiresomely insist on lying in the gutters and supping gin with their beggings? No, it came from Georgie Porgie Osborne who is around my age, but is wedded to using the patronising, patriarchal language of a total twat.

Now that’s off my chest I can say that the budget has disappointed me, not particularly because of what it contained, but because it was pretty standard stuff. There are clearly many more ways to skin the cat of the budget deficit over the next few years and I had hoped that at least a few of them were going to be exciting, daring even. As far as I can see it is pay freezes, VAT rises and jigging with the handouts.

Oh what a missed opportunity George. You may be all natty and young, but your ideas are as old hat as the language you couched them in. Your cuts have not so much offered us one Saville Row suit to hang in our wardrobe, admire and try to diet into but, rather a selection of plastic supermarket suits that fit us all badly and are a magnet for dog hair.

Never being one for wall-to-wall criticism I would like to offer an alternative makemeadiva budget that I think could save money and look good too.

  • Abolish child benefit for those on over £50K a year – they like it George but they don’t need it.
  • Raise taxes on fags, booze and reintroduce them to *gambling – you know we’re luvvin it, luvvin it, luvvin it but it’s bad for our health and costs money in policing and health budgets.
  • Introduce a window tax, it will cause public unrest but it will make good headlines
  • Send children up chimneys to see if anyone left their life savings up there

There is £10.3 billion turnover a year on gaming machines.
There is a about £100 million turnover a year on the Grand National and an average race on Betfair would see maybe £300,000 traded, one race at a big meeting on the weekend would see in excess of £1 million regularly staked.

I would tax the layers 5% on losing stakes and the punter 5% on winning stakes. That way there’s an upside to losing and on a race like the Grand National you are looking at the deficit trousering about £5 million in one afternoon…

Posted on June 22, 2010, in Horse racing, News, Punting and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. Oh I really like the alternative budget *a lot*. And I sniggered out loud at the first para. George O has a sweaty, porridgy, sinister face – and looks like he could peel off a mask at any point to reveal something reptilian underneath. I heard on the radio something about a £10m research programme to work out which insects were doing what pollinating – now, I now this is important to the human race and all but for the next few years I would probably remove that funding from our public spending.

    P.S. did you read Simon Barnes column in The Times on Cappello yesterday

  2. I didn’t read Le Barnes – I must see if he’s online before Murdo starts charging.

    Yes, re the budget, I don’t mind pain but I would rather it on my sins than on my hard work!

  3. Why Capello is to blame
    Simon Barnes
    As Eric used to ask Ernie, what do you think of it so far? This is surely the most ineptly managed England performance at the World Cup finals for years. So perhaps it’s time we started blaming the manager.

    Fabio Capello, the man in charge, is the best manager at the World Cup finals. Well, the best-paid, anyway. Almost five million pounds a year; well, that’d help with the mortgage. And what is his response to England’s miserable performance? Blame the players — the first resort of a manager out of his depth.

    “It’s incredible, the mistakes of the players,” he said, helpfully, after the dismal goalless draw with Algeria. Note: a manager is not supposed to criticise players as if they were something separate from himself. “Rooney didn’t play like Rooney,” Capello added. Note: managers are not supposed to single out players for blame.

    “I want to see the spirit of the team and I didn’t see it this evening.” Could any manager have damned himself more completely? The spirit of the team is the manager’s responsibility.

    It is these elusive things that managers draw their salaries for. What’s happening with your team? Blowed if I know! That’s not a satisfactory response from a man who is paid intensely serious money to run them.

    One of my colleagues made an eloquent plea for unity before the World Cup finals started. He has his wish. The players are united, as they never were in the World Cup of 2006. They are united in that they all hate the manager.

    That’s fine so far as it goes, but to rule by fear and hatred you need your players to be dependent on you. International players — particularly if they play in the Premier League — are not dependent on their international manager. They can walk away any time they want to, like Paul Scholes. There is a sense, these days, in which the players are doing the manager a favour.

    And it seems pretty clear that most of those who played on Friday would be happy to pack it in right now and go back to a place where they feel valued and understood. That is the point that has eluded Capello in his transition from highly successful club manager to — so far — calamitous manager at international tournaments.

    Heavy hints have been dropped, notably by David James — one of the few players to emerge from Friday’s match with distinction — that the players are deeply unhappy with Capello. And they don’t even think he can do the tactics, believing that his formation is a busted flush in modern international football and that Joe Cole ought to play in a five-man midfield.

    No sympathy, no support, no understanding. He has bullied his team into sulking resentment, lead-booted football, a terror of failure, a still greater terror of responsibility, two points — and a fixture of pure desperation coming up.

    Something will have to change if England are to get past Slovenia. Does Capello do change? Does Capello do listening? Does Capello do victory in tournament football?


  4. Oh glad you found the article – hear, hear, we say, hear hear.

  5. Stephen Foster

    He certainly instilled a bit of team spirit when he inherited the rabble that Croatia played off the park when he started the gig and strolled through qualifying so think on Barnsey.

    I always love to listen to Graham Turnip’s views on how England should be manager on 5 Live too.

    I would like to pay tax on my winnings , I would feel a genuinely sense of Christian duty about that.

  6. Well that’s two of us on board the “Gamblers Ride to the Rescue of the Deficit” wagon.

    Do you think the Croatia transformation was the equivalent of a horse being bought out of a seller for a tenner, sent to a new trainer and having a tongue tie applied for his next winning start?

  7. Stephen Foster

    * Well that’s two of us on board the “Gamblers Ride to the Rescue of the Deficit” wagon. *

    I can’t understand how the new chancellor has missed it – online punting is the biggest growing sector of anything. Perhaps he’s not very bright.

    * Do you think the Croatia transformation was the equivalent of a horse being bought out of a seller for a tenner, sent to a new trainer and having a tongue tie applied for his next winning start? *

    Well yes, and then it went on a right streak, but only in plating company. The nag will struggle after being upped in grade. I’m genuinely worried for this afternoon, I just don’t know where they’re going to find a sudden bit of form.

  8. George changed his name from Gideon – says it all really. Our name for Rudi when he is being particularly thick is Gideon…

    Re Cappello et al: I think they will pull it out of the fire because they have one run in them and they will have to make it this afternoon 😉

  9. Stephen Foster

    Long shots do sometimes come in, that’s true enough. I hope one of them is wearing a 13 shirt and for this afternoon I will think of him as Ashley Qole to help out with a bit more from the Granny Smith system(s) and plus which I’ll blow up a few redballoons. 🙂

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