Last time I looked, David Beckham had a few tattoos: an angel on his back and his wife’s name written in Hindi up his inside arm. Now someone’s scribbled all over his arms in a biro too.
Perhaps he doodled them onto himself whilst he was waiting for that disappointing FIFA announcement this afternoon.
I think I might get one done, it might ease the pain.
1. Fly (yes fly) to South Africa, time now being of the essence
2. Get me some henchmen
3. Kidnap Fabio
4. Lock him up (largely unharmed, bruised ego?)
5. Bury the key
6. Send a ransom note to FIFA or the FA or Mrs Fabio
7. The note demands David B be left in charge of England
8. David B to put the M&S uniform suits on a bonfire
9. Team to hang loose, wear their own clobber, have a drink and go to bed at midnight
10. Kick Rooney up the arse
11. Fit players with rocket-propelled boots
12. WORLD CUP GLORY!
Sub points include:
i) buy a vuvuzela
ii) see a giraffe
iii) visit Boulder Beach
iv) release Fabio
v) walk home
Cappello has turned the England team into automatons. Saying the right things, leaving the dinner table as one like a herd of elephants, not swearing at the referee…
In this, he seems to have been most successful. Look at them and you will see they are dead behind the eyes. That’s why David is there on the bench (dead behind the eyes too if you ask me), because Cappello knows. He knows they don’t play for him and he hopes DB will have the talismanic effect he has had on the pitch from behind the white lines. It won’t work. Out of the strip, and popped into a team suit David is as emasculated as the rest of them.
Take Milner. Cappello gave out to him as he took him off the other night. Would Bobby Robson have done that. Some say Milner will have overstated his feeling betterishness to the manager. I say, if one of my kids insists they are sound as a pound and can definitely go to Alton Towers for a day I’ll make my own decision thanks.
Cappello has not got them playing from the heart under his system. He has undermined the confidence of the keepers by playing mind games with them in the run-up. At the moment it is only me, Edgar and Bob who can see the truth of the matter. The rest of the English lemmings are blind to the fact that come the second stage we will be going out to:
Of course the tabloid press will have had time to think about these things now (they are slow enough you see) and will jump on my bandwagon. But this is my bandwagon, it’s got makemeadiva painted down the side, and if you need verification just ask the Guv’nor whose ears are bleeding.
Oh and PS – there’s more. It goes along these lines. It’s not just heart (affective domain to borrow from Bloom) it’s even more insidious. Cappello is having a bad effect on the fragile English ego. Not for English players the rock solid overblown Latin self-confidence, our lads need a tad more nurturing (even Wayne).
I know there are others in the coaching team paid to do that, but Fabio it needs to be you too.