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On having to go slow & a sunset

My mind can run too fast for its own good. Like an over-revving engine, if it is allowed to go on unchecked, parts will blow.

It took me an awfully long time to get this; even longer to accept that when I consider it is running slow, it still might be running a deal faster than what others might consider a regular speed. It’s a genetic thing – I see it in others in the family – in my case it became pathologised. Maybe that process helped me to realise I had to work at it to get things back into balance. Medicalising the mind, or the subjective life experience does not help with the actual work that the owner of the super-fast and speedy mind has to eventually embark on, should they wish to not live the life of a Mayfly.

Technology is the enemy, in a way. Everything is so fast and accessible; if you let it, it will feed the beast – and I do. At least I realise it, mostly. It is therefore an interesting experience to work with equipment that, rather than speeding the process up, slows me right down.

Apple, I salute you.

Sunset on water meadow  © MEA Russell

Sunset on water meadow © MEA Russell

Composed on a very old laptop with Windows because… no-one’s got all day!

The method in the badness (or the tortoise and the hare)

I was thinking about my Grandpa last night and because it was a birthday the memory centred on a set of stationery I bought him when I was about 10 years old. It was what a 10 year old in the seventies, living in Lincolnshire – not renowned as a centre of excellence in stationery, considered a masculine writing set: cream paper with brown stylised trees.

Henceforth my Grandpa would write on a sheet of that very paper to thank me for that gift and each gift thereafter. When he died I expect he still had a few sheets of it left. I expect as I got older I missed a few of his birthdays or Christmas gifts too. That’s the trouble with me, the intention is all there, but the speed at which I seem to live life costs the follow through on intricate tasks like buying things, wrapping things, addressing things and posting things, which need stamps. Which I hardly ever seem to have. Postcodes I hardly ever seem to have either (sorry FW).

I think quickly about ten things at once usually , I write quickly and I work quickly sometimes too. But in all that fast I lose slow, and slow is what you need to do the things I would like to be better at. So thank you all so much for Cassia’s cards and presents. The intention is that she will write cards and thank you herself – let’s see if I can do it! And Mia’s parents please know I thought of her over a fortnight ago and bought a present, but then I forgot all about the next stages because I had plenty of time and I was thinking a thousand other things. Then yesterday I had no sellotape (although I did have wrapping paper) and I had no jiffy bag (although I am sure there are some somewhere here) and I didn’t have the right kind of stamp and I had no time to visit the Post Office, so I have overcome the obstacles of the card posting, but the present wrapping, packing, queuing ones proved insurmountable.

I will therefore hand it over next week. Wherein my father will do the same for my daughter, so perhaps it’s genetic.

Too many thoughts, not enough stamps.

July 16th – some good people born on this day x