Unlike BBC Radio 4 I would definitely end a major series on a Monday. It’s been a bit trying, perhaps painful in the case of the needle, confronting the disarray of my luggage. I’ve likened myself to a disenchanted mule and tried to blame the global capitalist society for my mess making ways. But now all that has to come to an end as the bag is a little lighter, a little tidier and good for at least another year of abuse before I consider a new one.
Before we come to the final item I thought I would, for the sake of truth and integrity, just do an inventory of the remaining items. It seems right, and it fills a few lines on a rainy Monday morning.
- Paracetamol, Alka-Seltzer and Migraleve – my friend says the latter is just expensive, pink co-codamol so expect that to join the pharmaceuticals in my bag tout suite.
- A magnifying heart mirror that fell out of a heart-shaped compact more than a year ago. Perhaps it’s time for that to come out.
- A metal credit card case that a student gave me. Shame it didn’t have a pre-paid Visa in it too. Decorated with Shakespeare.
- A Diet Aid essential roller ball. I don’t diet but I do roller ball. It is purported to “help diet focus”. As I don’t have such a focus I don’t know what it does for me, but I like the smell.
- A black balloon with my college’s logo on. You never know when you need one to give a kid.
- Various ironmongery: two pairs of scissors – don’t ask – a kirby grip, two more needles, one nail and one very nice coiled spring approx 2 cm long.
- Two plastic boxes for memory cards – I can’t remember where the memory cards are
- A lanyard with three stars on it “Improving strongly in Southend” – I wear the non-branded one thanks very much.
- A 20p, a 5p and countless 1ps
- A homeopath’s appointment card dated 07/04/08
- Old rail tickets to Devon
- 5 pen lids (no pens)
- Tiny bits of foil
- Sand and fluff